Sunday, June 12, 2011

Laughing Til Us Part

As my husband and I fell into another laughing fit together in the car today, our children rolled their eyes. Later, when my husband made the comment that we'd been married for over 22 years and together since 1983, 28 years, I added that since I'd been a month shy of my 15th birthday, he'd been my boyfriend. "That's so weird", my daughter said. "I know but I could not get rid of him", I teased. "She could not get rid of me?! Ha! She'd be lost without me", my husband said. I didn't reply to that comment. It's a rare day when I don't repeatedly match my husband's comments with a sarcastic retort. I admit, I give the guy a hard time. I've got a tendency to be an antagonist, truth be told. But the truth is, it IS weird that I met the love of my life when I was so very young. And yes, as independent as I can be at times, and as much as I taunt him asking just how long I'll have to wait after his death before I find a new guy, he knows the truth. He'll be the only love of my life. I would be lost without him. I'd be more than lost.

What would I do if I suddenly lost the love of my life? I would like to think that I would be okay, that I would honor our life and our happiness and be resilient. I'd like to think that I would be strong. But as little as I think on this subject, I fear that my life would be over. I simply do not think I would be strong without him. He is everything to me. There is no one, NO ONE, who knows me like this man does. There is no one, NO ONE, who could ever love me as this man does. I am sure of that.

A day this past December my father talked about life and love. He said, "You know, a man marries a woman and they build a family together. And for many years that family is an important focus. But one by one, the children leave, as they should, to build families of their own". He continued to talk of how it's the marriage however that remains. The couple that built that family will still have one another after the children leave. Dad's point was that it's important to remember to nurture the marriage, that relationship that secures and binds the family unit together.

I believe it is important not to waste time worrying about the future. With that said, not fretting about tomorrow does not come easily to me. But I work to live in the moment and to savor each day, each hug, each laugh. When I look at Eric, I look deep into his eyes and I try hard to record all that I see there. I must remember. I must save this for the future.

Having watched so many movies, having read so many books where a lifelong couple is finally separated by death, I know that in all likelihood, one of us will be left behind without the other. Still, I'd like to hope that someday, far in the distant future, we'll go together, preferably in our sleep as we're holding one another, happy, madly in love, and thoroughly exhausted from yet another laughing fit.

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