Friday, May 18, 2018

Smile!

The substitute teacher across the hall caught my eye today and said, “There you are again! Always smiling!” It’s true. I usually am.

Perhaps smiling is my default expression, one I come by naturally. I can’t think back on my Dad without seeing his big bright smile. I still hear my Mom’s laughter when I remember my time with her. Even my Mom’s handwritten letters always included little smiley faces, long before emojis became a thing. Thirty-six years ago when I first met my husband, his smile and laughter were the first of his attributes that attracted me. My daughters have beautiful smiles. My son’s smile is one of my favorites. 

Science studies have increased supporting that a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin. The study of emotions is most interesting and I frequently follow published and casual discussions around the topic of happiness. I experiment with happiness strategies too. For the past 100 days I’ve again practiced the 100happydays.com challenge. This challenge takes me from the weary final days of winter to the first warm afternoons of springtime. Whether documenting family gatherings, good meals, beautiful flowers, or satisfying work, I’ve taken time each day to focus on the fun, the joy, the appreciation and gratitude I feel. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes struggle with darker emotions. Of course I do. I cannot always smile. I am sometimes sad. I miss my parents, I miss grandparents, I miss my three children being little and scrambling onto my lap. Although not very often, I sometimes do get angry. Internet trolls, dishonesty, selfishness, sneakiness, injustice, gossip, and arrogance can make me seethe. I am also a worrier. I fret. I have a hard time getting out of my own head. I sometimes need a nap to give my head, my heart, and my soul a rest. Movies and books help me immensely. I tend to sigh a lot too. Sighing gives me a brief little bit of time to settle, to refocus, to take a deep breath. And when people’s actions frustrate me, I remember a former colleague’s laughter and his words, “People are funny, aren’t they?!” There was never any judgement in this statement of his. He simply would state the fact: people are funny. 

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.   --Mother Teresa


This annual 100happydays.com challenge is sometimes difficult but as with the building of any habit, I’ve practiced this one (for five years) and I have become pretty skilled at it. In fact, the challenge of 100 days doesn’t truly end for me anymore. 365 days a year I demand from myself the act of “keeping a positive perspective”. I think about people, either reliving a sweet conversation, or remembering, often with a chuckle, the all-too-human foibles I witness in myself and/or in those around me. I continue reading others’ faces as I check in on how they are feeling, and yes, I continue to smile often and easily. Although studies say that even a fake or forced smile can benefit one’s health, my smile is genuine. I smile because I am thankful. I smile because I care about this world and its inhabitants. I smile because I appreciate life. I smile because I feel happy. I smile because I can. 

Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you.      --Peace Pilgrim

Monday, January 8, 2018

Circles of Life



Priorities. Choices and decisions. It’s one thing if you’re trying to decide where to go out for dinner. If the temperature is once again below zero and you’re trying to catch a 7:00pm movie, you might opt to throw aside your budget and dine at that new Italian restaurant across the street from the theater where you’ve heard there are tables set beside a blazing fire. If you have 15 minutes to get to a basketball game and cash in your pocket, you might decide to grab a few pieces of pizza or a red hot dog and some popcorn at the concession stand and call it good. If you have a gift card to a chain restaurant and pay day is another week away, you’ll probably be in the mood for one of the new early bird dinners featured there. And of course, you can always decide to stay home and eat in.

But what if we were talking about priorities for your life? What if your fiftieth birthday was approaching, you’d just finished reading a memoir of a man who was given an expiration date before his fortieth and who suddenly was faced with his own set of choices and decisions, and you woke up on a Monday morning, healthy but feeling a little off and soon to be facing a classroom of 17-18 year olds on a crisp January morning?

First, let’s settle the food question. Today I grabbed an egg, cheese, and sausage wrap and a bottle of OJ at Dunkin on my way to work. There. Breakfast had been taken care of. I threw a container of chicken soup, some mini blueberry muffins, and a cup of jell-o in my lunch bag for later. And dinner is going to be decided upon after school, but it’ll probably involve the package of chicken breasts that I took out of the freezer this weekend.

So next, what am I going to do with that classroom of 17-18 year olds? They have finished a unit, creating a chapbook synthesizing the ideas around Elizabeth Gilbert’s book about creativity, BIG MAGIC. With only four class periods before the end of the quarter, how do I transition to a new unit?

I remember the circles. It’ll be different. It’ll be motivating. I’ll pass out a handout of 30 circles, give them 15 minutes and ask them to think of responses to a question. They can answer the question any way they want or need to. I won’t collect their work. It’s private for them. I do my own circle handout with them. By the end of the class period, we are all talking and sharing and I know I chose wisely.

Let me back up. After giving my students 20 minutes to work on their projects or their personal writing, I shared a summary of the book I’d spent the weekend reading, When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. The memoir of a man exploring the meaning of life, the purpose of our time on earth, a man who first searched for the answer in books as an English Literature major and later who continued the search while becoming a neurological surgeon facing his own death from lung cancer was richly reflective and thought-provoking. I spoke of the irony of reading this book on the same weekend that a dear friend of mine reached out asking nearly the same questions as the author, wondering if her life had positively affected anyone, asking what the value of her life has been… I’d written a response to her and had also thought of my own life--what I had accomplished in the past, the person I had grown to become, the future and all that I want it to contain.

We all began filling in circles to answer the questions: What do I want to do before the end of my life? What is important to me to have done when my life reaches its expiration date?

Keeping my word to protect their privacy, I only asked my students to share with me any insight or observations they had after doing the exercise. Many said they had fewer circles filled in than they had expected. I was with them there. A young woman said she had filled the circles with countries she wanted to explore. Another wrote of how her list had been filled more with desires to inspire others in different ways. We all smiled at the young man who said he wanted to be on national tv for something someday.

I now look at my own circles. Write a book. Travel the world with Eric. Be a fun grandma. Learn to play the cello. Paint like Grammie Freeman. Record an album for my children. See each of my children reach the age of 50.

These are a few items on my paper. I am not surprised by what is on it. I am more surprised by what is not.

What I feel best about is how my life priorities focus upon staying healthy and happy for the adventures of the years that are before me. I have lived a beautiful life in my first fifty years. I am excited beyond measure for the start of my second fifty.