Saturday, November 17, 2012

I'll Just Be

A little after 7am this morning I woke to the sound of paws on my bedroom door. Our pup Ziva had been kicked out of the bedroom when my husband had gone to bed, an understandable and welcomed gesture since we sleep better when the dog isn’t scratching at the foot of our bed. Ziva had obediently gone downstairs to sleep on the family room couch but the sun had come up and it was now time to remind us that she was part of the family too. I went to the door, was greeted by her excitement, and together we went downstairs. Then Ziva went outside while I prepared her breakfast.

The time I get on these weekend mornings when the dog forces me out of bed is surprisingly welcomed. She and I each crawl onto the sofa and the sun comes around the side of the house and begins to stream in the windows. She settles in and quickly nods off. The house is silent except for the ticking of two wall clocks, one near the coat closets, the other in the downstairs bathroom over the washer and dryer, an odd place for a clock perhaps, but its nautical Captain’s wheel shape fits nicely in the decor of my “ocean bathroom”. Anyhow, the ticking is soothing and is only heard in these hours of solitude.

Today will bring much excitement and a houseful in just a few hours’ time. This morning I’ll clean the house and bake some desserts in preparation of our extra company. Eric and Emma will head in different directions to put on productions of their separate plays. Paul and I will head to the school gym where he’ll play two basketball games before heading to a friend’s birthday party. Sydney will drive with her friend Erin to catch her Dad’s show in the afternoon and join me at her sister’s performance in the evening. It’ll be late when we all meet back here at the house together, but we’ll undoubtedly stay up and talk and laugh together before heading off to bed.

But for now I am still. I am thinking of how full my life has always been, of how I have endlessly been surrounded by love, family, and friends, of how happy and grateful I am for the life I am living. No matter how busy, how many responsibilities I juggle, how often I must zip from one thing to another, I do manage to steal away from the hustle and bustle, to sneak to a place of solitude if only for a brief time. I’ve always needed some time to myself, time to think, to reflect, time to watch carefully, to listen intently, to feel deeply.

And so, as I watch Ziva move from window to window right now, growling softly at something she thinks she has heard or spotted outside, I smile. It’ll take only a small pat on the couch beside me to have her jump into my lap, to lap my face in joy, to remind me I’m loved and appreciated for getting up with her so early, but for now I think I’ll just sit back and take everything in...her soft growl, the ticking of the clocks, the sun streaming in the window...and I’ll just be.

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