Barb-B-Q

Dear Barbara,

I thought of you for the second time today as I was fixing dinner. I reached into the fridge to grab the mustard, ketchup, and dill pickles and I suddenly I was hit with a wave of nostalgia. I always associate BBQs with being at your house. It's not that we haven't enjoyed such dinners at other places, but it was so nice to regularly swing over to your place for dinner in the summertime. We did that a lot--a swim in the lake or the pool and an easy meal. It was fun. It was delicious (especially your potato salad!). It was comforting. So tonight as I looked over to the bag of hamburger rolls on the counter and thought of how I had my first "ungrilled" roll while at your house years back, I dropped a couple of tears.

I said up above that it was the second time today that I'd thought of you. The first time was when Eric and I were driving home from the gym together. I'd just read an email from my Dad, and Eric and I were talking about our Moms. We spoke of how quickly we lost you last fall and I thought again of how it's only been four months since. Sometimes it feels like you've been gone for a longer time. Why is that? I think that maybe it's because so much has happened in those four months--holidays, birthdays, vacations, travels, college acceptances for Emma, Paul's basketball season--and maybe I'm thinking that we're just "one quick trip over to your house" and one BBQ away from having you back. That I can share what's been happening lately and answer your questions when you ask, "How's your Mom doing?". I know that you're not there to visit anymore or to talk with and that saddens me. But I don't want to end this note on a sad note. I want you to know that we're doing okay. I'm watching over your boys and your girl. We talk of you, think of you, drop a few tears, but I am very sure we're all very happy that you are no longer in pain, no longer suffering.

I know you already know this, but I am so glad I had you in my life for as long as I did. Thank you for that beautiful son of yours, for taking me in as another daughter, and for all the love you extended to our children. I learned so much from you over the years. I'll expand on those lessons at a future date. But for today, I'm enjoying our cheeseburgers and I'd like to think you're smiling as you take note that I didn't grill the buns.