Resolutions of 1989

From the time I was 10 years old I kept some sort of journal. First it was a one year diary, a small 4" by 6" book complete with lock and key. Next was a three year diary which allowed me to write and to see what I'd written the previous two years on that same page. Between the years of 1985 and 1990 I wrote in a paperback journal. My writings were innocent in my preteen years; descriptions of my time spent with family and friends and silly confessions were recorded. Later, when I was in high school and college, my writings grew more passionate. The entries were a way for me to focus my mind, to sort out my emotions, and to make resolutions.

I came across a list of New Year Resolutions tonight, written in 1989 when I was a few months shy of my 21st birthday. I'd not seen this list for many years but I was a bit taken aback by its extensive documentation of my goals.

1. Pray more. Visit Church more.
2. Write at least 1/2 hour each day.
3. Work in journal.
4. Practice piano for 1 hour a week at least.
5. Practice voice more often.
6. Exercise more.
7. Lighten up! Don't be so hard on self.
8. Eat healthy. Cut down on junk.
9. Drink water everyday.
10. Cut down on salt!
11. Experience more. Don't cop out (Acting).
12. Be good to others. Plan more get togethers!
13. Find a fun job.
14. Work hard on courses.
15. Find time to relax alone.
16. Relax with Eric & keep romance alive.
17. Keep finances straight.
18. Don't worry if I break these resolutions!

The list of resolutions says a lot about the young woman I was becoming. My health, my hobbies, my faith, my education, and my new life as a recently married woman were items more important to me. Additionally I challenged myself not to make excuses for experiences I wanted to have. I noted the desire to get back on stage (something that would take eight more years to do as I finished college in 1990, began a teaching career in 1991, and started a family in 1992). I remind myself tonight that this list was written 22 years ago, yet there isn't a single resolution on there that I would not list again today, although I certainly can say that I am making good on many of these items.

Over the years since 1990 however, I have kept many journals. In addition to this blog, there's a cloth covered book that shows my reflections to the book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and it's all small stuff), a text that truly helped me gain perspective when my life got awfully busy juggling 100 teens and three of my own children. I also began a family Hide-N-Seek journal with my children and husband which is still waiting to be found by the next family member. There are other books--baby books, my portable writer's journal, and the like which can be found in various locations around my home too. In each journal there is evidence of self-reflection and goal setting. Whatever the reason, I continue to write.

The saying, the more we change, the more we stay the same comes to mind. And rather than find that truth to be sad, I find it comforting. I have matured and grown wiser in the last 22 years, and I have certainly aged on the outside, but I am the same girl I've always been on the inside. I still ponder my place in this world. I am still sentimental and sensitive. I'm still a passionate artist and dreamer. And yes, I still need to write.